My son…

David,

I want you to know that no matter what you do in life, no matter what you choose to study, and no matter what decisions you make, I am and will always be proud of you. I know that you can do everything and anything you set your mind to. There are so many times that I watch you and wish that I could be like you. You have shown me so many ways at looking at life and I’m very grateful for you and am extremely blessed to have you in my life.

I am strict, hard-headed, stubborn, sometimes not very fun, and push you too hard at times. I know that you will not understand this now, but I do everything I do because I love you that much. Even when I scold you, it’s because I know that you can do better and I want you to grow to your potential. When I am upset that you speed through your prayers, it’s because I want you to grow strong in your relationship with God so that you will never be alone. When I want you to eat all of your food and only get what you ask for, it’s because I want you to understand that some people do not have enough food to eat at all. I want you to take your time with your homework and to read as much as you can because I want you to learn to be patient and diligent in all that you do and be as educated and well rounded as you can possibly be. When you aren’t putting in all of your effort, I push you and push you and push you because I want you to know your full potential and that you can always push and push and push to do even better than you did before.

But…. sometimes….. sometimes….. I might push too hard. Sometimes I may even say things in not such a nice way that it actually makes you do less and not try at all. I think that sometimes this will push you more because that’s how I AM WIRED to think, but you are not me and I need to understand that you are who you are and who you are is lovely.

I hope that because you are so head strong that you will be able to stand up for everything that you believe in no matter what anyone else thinks. I hope that your bossy attitude can direct a group of people out of danger should that ever arise. I hope that because you tend to talk louder than others when you are excited that someone who is sad will be able to overhear your conversation and will be able to smile at something for that day. When you have a girlfriend or wife one day, I hope that your silly humor at completely inappropriate times can stop an argument between the two of you and you can just laugh with each other. May your sense of style help you to continue discovering your own unique ways in life so that you can set yourself apart from others and that maybe someone important will remember you and notice how important you are. I hope that the energy that you have that seems everlasting will rub off on someone who needs a little pick up to get their day started or for you to keep going on for your own children oneday. I really hope that the love you have for God will continue to grow and the fire continue to burn because He will be there for you always when no one else will. Like air, you may not see Him but He is always there. I also hope that your “roll off the shoulder” type of attitude is useful for you at some point in your life when someone may just be having a bad day and to end the cycle it just takes you saying that “It’s no big deal”.

I love you and everything that you do. I will always push you to be the best that you can be, I will just learn to do it in a positive way. I will always be proud of you, even when you fail. I will always love you even when you feel like you don’t love me. I will always support you even though I may not support your decision. I will always always be there for you even if one day I am not on this earth.

You make me a better person because you let me fail and still love me. Through your compassion and grace, I am able to see my flaws and tune them to be like you. Like you. Because I love who you are and don’t want you to change for anyone.

I love you for forever,

Mom

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Live that.

I find myself thirsting for more.  More excitement, more scenery, more beauty, more culture, more life.  

A friend told me that sometimes you just have to be okay with life; you just have to be okay with being still sometimes because that’s how life is.  I agree to a point.  I agree that there are going to be moments that are so boring and still that you just need to embrace that moment and enjoy it.  I get that.  However, I feel like I’m a ticking time clock.  I feel like I’m running out of time.  Days go by and I haven’t given back enough, yet.  There are moments that I sit still and just breathe and enjoy the air around me, the silence, and the beauty I feel that surrounds me.  Then, there are moments when I feel like I need to just run away, run far away and keep going until I find what it is that I’m looking for.  

Wait.  

What am I looking for?  

So, that’s the problem.  I am looking for something and I have no idea what it is.  My “mistakes” in life started from running away and wanting to explore.  I still want to explore, but before I do I have to remember that I need to finish what I’ve started.  I have 10 months left on my lease and 10 months left of school.  I WILL finish college in that amount of time and have my B.S. and I will go month to month on my apartment until I can be abroad.  David will be in the 3rd grade.  This is all that I am certain about.  I don’t know how I will get my dogs overseas, I don’t know if I’ll sell everything or if I’ll store it, I don’t know if my friends and family will support me, I don’t know what to expect, and I don’t know if I’ll be back after one year.  What I do know is that I will do God’s work wherever I go and that I will share my story of His grace and forgiveness.  I know that this will be a great adventure for Dave and I and that we will bond and become so much closer throughout this experience.  

In the meantime, I am planning on simplifying my life.  Living for the moment and people rather than “things” and “luxury”.  I want to document those steps as I take them.  I hope that this inspires someone to do the same, to remember that….

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give..”

Let that sink in.  Live that.